Oh my God.

It just seems as though there is so much pain in the world right now. Haiti still hurts very deep down, and it has been stinging for two weeks now. And then, a horrible event happened in Shepherdstown yesterday, and it just doesn’t seem fair at all.

I don’t know if it is the process of growing up that makes you feel more finely tuned into the world around you, or if it really is that more bad stuff is happening these days.

I have faith, though, that there is goodness in this world. I truly believe that God is behind everything that happens, and maybe He didn’t do it for a reason, but he at least can give us some sort of optimism and hope that something good will come of it. I am just constantly blown away by the stories of the Haitians–who have lost EVERYTHING–who still have a smile on their face. They are possibly the strongest people on this earth, to have survived something such as this, and then survived the years of devastation previous to the Earthquake, and still keep moving. The old Haitian women are all so small and frail, with their history written into the deep-set wrinkles on their faces, and you just wonder what amazing things that they have seen, what horrible things they have seen, and how they are still here. I have given 90 year old Haitian great-grandmothers reading glasses, the first ones they’ve ever owned, and seen the joy light up in their eyes when they can see what they are sewing–“Esche we pre? We lwen?”

I think that there is plenty of temptation around to just give up, say there is no God, say that He is vengeful or doesn’t care, become nihilistic, etc. I think that it is really hard to look at the world where we live and have hope. But I strongly believe that unless we have that hope, we will implode. I’m not trying to give some sort of sermon, but I think I’ve learned that the best thing to do in order to simply get by is just to accept what has happened, do your best, and trust God.

There is this Jars of Clay song that makes me cry each and every time that I hear it. I think that it would be really easy to misinterpret this song as one of despair, or one of just misery. But I think that it is telling us that that hope is what will get us through.

“Oh My God”

Oh my God, look around this place
Your fingers reach around the bone
You set the break and set the tone
Flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain
All fools say, “Oh my God”

Oh my God, Why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don’t bleed
There is no cure for our disease
Turn a phrase, and rise again
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friend
Oh my God.

Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief
Weddings, boats and alibis
All drift away, and a mother cries

Liars and fools; sons and failures
Thieves will always say
Lost and found; ailing wanderers
Healers always say
Whores and angels; men with problems
Leavers always say
Broken hearted; separated
Orphans always say
War creators; racial haters
Preachers always say
Distant fathers; fallen warriors
Givers always say
Pilgrim saints; lonely widows
Users always say
Fearful mothers; watchful doubters
Saviors always say

Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we’re better,
Scales were gone and faces light
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the plunder

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children – this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers – this is our greatest offense

Oh my God
Oh my God
Oh my God

Haiti Post #2

Hey everyone, guess what? It’s only been a week, and already there is bigger news than Haiti. It’s ok. I guess it is surprising that Ted Kennedy’s replacement in the Senate is going to be a Republican. However, if even after a week, our attention is dwindling, then how can we expect that attention is still going to be in effect come spring? Or in a year from now?

I had another suggestions of a book to read for any of you out there who wanted to read up on Haiti: The Uses of Haiti by Paul Farmer. It was his phD dissertation, and he wrote it while working on Zanmi Lasante in Cange.

This cartoon, while kinda disturbing, does illustrate the fact that, although not even remotely all of the U.S.’s fault, we haven’t exactly helped the country to get on its own two feet over the past century. In fact, we helped dictators stay in power and usurped Aristide.

This is just my Haiti Thought of the Day.

On the other side, I realized that I don’t think my therapist listens to me. Back in November, I had talked to her for a very long time about my trips to Haiti, and I even read her my goals list, and then on Monday, when I went to talk to her again about Haiti, she didn’t remember any of that. I mean, I know that she must have a lot of patients and a family life, I was a little upset that I pay out my butt for someone who didn’t remember that very important aspect of my life. I don’t think that I want to go anymore.

Peace.

Not the first or last post on Haiti

Not that I have a terrible amount of readers (probably two at most), but as most of you know, I have done work in Haiti, and I have connections and friendships there. The past 3 days have been such a whirlwind for all of us. Not knowing if those of our friends are OK, not knowing how the village of Mizak is. Word has it that Lee (the missionary)’s cement house is destroyed, but Paul’s house is OK. I believe that Medjina, Amable, Doris, and Joanna are all OK, as well, and Ulrick has been located! He is safe, with only minor injuries. I hope that his family is OK, as well. John Wesley still hasn’t been accounted for, but I have faith that he will be OK. At least I hope that he is OK

I just feel so helpless. I know that I can’t contribute anything but money at this time; I don’t know enough Kreyol, and I am not a doctor. They don’t have enough room/water/food to keep unnecessary people in the country. However, I really want to go down to Mizak and do something. I would only be doing that for me, though. I know that I can’t really contribute at this moment. When things get a little more stable, I could do something productive. For anyone wanting to know how they can be of service, money is the most important thing right now. They need clean water, temporary shelters, and food.

It really hurts, though, that it has taken a catastrophe for people to get involved/to care about Haiti. I really applaud the U.S.’s ability to step up and want to help this country, but it needed help before, and it will need help for years afterwards. Before the earthquake, it seems like the only knowledge that anyone had about the country was that it did voodoo. And not that anyone’s previous help could have prevented an earthquake, but it maybe could have done something about the country’s response to such a disaster. A country with no infrastructure, with concrete/dirt slums piled on top of one another, a history of drugs and violence, no trees, nothing. And I’m not necessarily saying that everyone needs to go to Haiti, throw money at the country, or anything. I just wish that some people would have been aware.

I think that I am going to organize some sort of fundraiser for Haiti. I have a few Haiti things that could be auctioned off (I have a cup, a soapstone figurine, a purse, and a few other tokens). I don’t know if they would really garner a profit. But I really want to get involved, and I really NEED to do something here on the ground, in the U.S., even if it to give people more information about the country. Here are recommendations for background for the country (previous to the earthquake):

1. Mountains beyond Mountains: The Quest of Paul Farmer, the Man who would Cure the World (by Tracy Kidder). Although this book primarily deals with Paul Farmer, and how he is an awesome individual, it also goes very in depth into the world of Haiti, and I highly recommend it.

2. Haiti in Focus: Just a solid background on the country, Papa Doc, Baby Doc, Aristide, etc.

3. Partners in Health: Not only is this Paul Farmer’s brainchild, but it is also a great organization to give to. Their motto is a preferential option for the poor, and I couldn’t agree with it more.

4. HAPI : This is an co-op based out of Mizak, where the lovely ladies embroider cards and the kids take photos in order to make money. I suggest going to this website, just because you can see some faces, some names, and some personal stories. I have tested everyone’s eyes at this clinic, and they are all great people! You can also give money here, although I don’t know if they are taking straight up relief donations. Mizak was not hit as hard as PAP.

5. The Haitian Revolution: The real story of the Haitian revolution, not the B.S. that Pat Robertson is spewing.

6. The Eroding Nation: Here is a really great piece about the environment of Haiti, and how the environment has contributed to some of the economic and social problems of the country. It’s interactive, so explore! (I hope that this link works).

Ok, I’m at work, and this computer is slow, and I’m getting frustrated.

Bon swa, me zanmi.

I will be grateful for this day.

What am I thankful for?

1. I am thankful for God’s grace and the blessings that he has given me. I am strong, intelligent, able-bodied, and healthy.
2. I am thankful for my family. I am sitting here with my family, my Nanny, and Pat. We’re all just sitting around the fire and chatting. I am thankful that I have these people who can all sit around without getting too angry with each other. I’m glad that we didn’t have to have alcohol in order to be around each other, like many families have to do in order to be around each other.
3. I am thankful for Anna and for Dustin. I am thankful that the two of them have always been there for me, and that they will always be there for me.
4. I am thankful for my kitty, Alvin.
5. I am thankful for Jars of Clay.
6. I am thankful for music, in general. For the piano, for the harpsichord, for the guitar, for the mandolin, for the fiddle.
7. I am thankful for pecan pie and pumpkin rolls.
8. I am thankful for coffee.
9. I am thankful for literature.
10. I am thankful for the puzzles in this world. They make everything more interesting.

I have that we always forget to say “Thanks” except on Thanksgiving Day. It’s sad. It’s sad that we all act so selfish and like we have absolutely nothing, except for a day that the greeting card companies tell us that we have to say thanks. I really wish that we could always be thankful. I think the world would be much calmer, and everything would be a lot easier if everyone didn’t feel so “deprived.”

For flowers that bloom about our feet;
For tender grass, so fresh, so sweet;
For song of bird, and hum of bee;
For all things fair we hear or see,
Father in heaven, we thank Thee!
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

To unfriend or not to unfriend, that is the question.

So, apparently people are freaking out a little bit that unfriend is the 2009 Oxford Word of the Year. I suppose that it is a little disappointing that we have to refer to Facebook in order to find new words. But the criteria for the Word of the Year was just that it had to to be new or newly popular, and that it had to have some longevity and linguistic currency. I think unfriend fits well (although I usually use the derivation defriend). It is quite popular, considering the upwelling of individuals on Facebook (my mom, my pastor, Dustin’s grandmother…You name it). It is quite demanding to expect that the Word of the Year is going to be some beautiful new adjective or verb, considering that the vocabulary of the language is pretty much set, with the exception of new technological terms. However, I don’t know if friend has ever been chosen as a Word of the Year or a finalist…I think that friending someone is a more popular verb than unfriending them. The Christian Science Monitor just put out an article entitled, “‘Unfriend’ as word of the year? Is 2009 so cold?”. It’s true…we have gone cold. I occasionally go on Facebook “de-friending” sprees, where I delete all of those people I felt bad about not accepting to be my friends, but I don’t really know them and never interact with them on Facebook.

Oh, and can I just quickly state something about Facebook etiquette? I don’t care that you play Farm-Ville or Uno, or take a bazillion quizzes…But could you please not post them as a status update? I don’t care who’s sheep you found or what your new high score is…It makes Facebook a very distracting place, kind of diluting its stalking-pleasurability. To find out if someone dumped someone else, I have to sift through a gazillion people’s posts! I have become a Twitter-convert.

Quite frankly, I got more joy out of the Oxford spokesperson using the word lex-appeal to describe why they chose unfriend. LEX-APPEAL IS AN AWESOME TERM.

And also related to the field of linguistics…Andy Samberg as Ras Trent. Hilarious. My friend Kim showed this in a presentation about Language and Crossing in my Language and Identity class.

People are idiots.

I am so tired of people. I truly value and understand the First Amendment, that everyone has a right to speak their ideas and opinions, and that the government does not have the right to shush anyone.

But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to punch some people in the face.

I don’t care what your stance is on gay marriage or abortion, this is just disgusting. The Westboro Baptist Church, you know, that church that said God set 9/11 on us and that gay people deserve to die, picketed outside of the Obama girls’ school today. One protester had written: “Quakers?! Are you frigging kidding me? You pretend to be all non-violent, and you allow the most bloody, deceitful, evil, murderous bastard and his shemale sidekick to place their satanic spawn within your four walls?” How dare he call those adorable, innocent little girls “satanic spawn”! How dare he call the President of this country “the most bloody, deceitful, evil, murderous bastard”!

I’m sorry, anyone who isn’t brainwashed and has half a brain knows that these people are insane. Even the most conservative people I know realize that this is ridiculous.

I’m just tired of insane people. Where has kindness gone? Where is the Golden Rule, Do Unto Others? Where is loving your neighbor as yourself? I am tired of hypocritical Christians who disseminate nothing but hate in their speech. Sasha and Malia shouldn’t have look outside their classrooms and see horrific things about their father; they are too young for that. They shouldn’t have to hear that they may be the “spawn of satan.” They are too young for that not to hurt. I do not see Jesus in their actions. Isn’t that what Christianity is all about? Showing the love of God through your actions? All these people is underlining hatred and showing non-Christians how crazy radical Christians are.

I guess all I can do is just shrug my shoulders and quote my father:

Kaitlin, there are more nuts out there than in a Planter’s Peanut factory.”

 

New Blog

I have decided to start a new blog that is more mature, more adult. A journal that the general public can read. Plus, I just enjoy the way that WordPress formats its blogs as opposed to Blogger. WordPress just seems…better…

Thought of the Day: How can one gain redemption? I know that there is no changing in the past, and even if I didn’t necessarily regret the mistake…How does someone get back on track?