I know that the year hasn’t turned, and it’s not time to reflect upon the past year quite yet, but sitting here at work, and thinking about the important things in life, I realized–I’ve changed. I still have my down days, and I still am tempted to get angry, sleep too much, drink too much, or lash out at the people I love, but it truly has abated. Even though I have been tempted to do those things, and even done a couple of them (slept for 2 days, for example, or started a fight with Dustin for no reason), at the end of the day, I know that’s not what I want. The person that I want to be is stronger than all of that. The person I want to be wants to find God in every day experiences again, and is starting to. The person I want to be has great faith and helps others. The person I want to be is calm, understanding, patient, and rational. I used to think it was OK to be the depressed chick, the emo-literature-loving-pessimistic-drama-queen, but it’s not. And it may have taken me around eight years to realize this, that’s just not who I am. I don’t believe that anyone is meant to be pessimist, and I don’t believe that anyone is meant to live without faith (in something). It’s fine to like literature and music, but it’s not alright to get consumed with the lifestyles of the artists because that’s what you think you should be doing in order to gain some sort of authenticity.

I know that I will still go through hard times, and I know that inevitably, I will fall back down into some sort of dark place. But now, I’ve concretely identified that I am a happy person. I’ve found that depression cannot, and will not, hold me back.

[I think I need to tattoo this on my body.]

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