The Laurel Bed

Haiti Trip #2

kaitlin06 — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 21:39:16 +0000

Pictures of 2011 Haiti Trip

I have been asked to write about Haiti. Our trip is going to be highlighted by the church conference, and a former NPR person is going to put it together. Usually it takes me a long time to put some thoughts together. The previous post is the only thing that I have managed to put together, and I wrote that mostly just to sort all of it out myself. In the next few days, I will be posting various vignettes or narratives in the hopes of sorting them out for our really cool project.

Also– if you get a chance, check out Mountains to Mountains’ website; my mom keeps it up, and she does a pretty good job!

Mountains to Mountains

Thoughts on recent Haiti trip

kaitlin06 — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 21:52:27 +0000

In the United States, we have been programmed to expect happy endings. Just turn on the T.V. Romantic comedies hypnotize us with expectations of a perfect resolution to the star-crossed lovers’ plight, and the American media airs fluff pieces of some cat dialing 911 in order to add some kind of necessary insulation against the images of violence and human rights violations in breaking news. Money, hard work, and effective intervention can solve any problem, or at least that is what our capitalistic-pick-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps culture has taught us.

We can’t help it. We want things to turn out right, especially with our work in Haiti. Christian missionaries, humanitarian charities, and nonprofit organizations in the country expect that because we have money and—I’m sorry, I’m only being honest here—we are white Americans, when we intervene, things will work out in perfect harmony with our intentions. There is nothing wrong with that mindset. Prayer, disciplined thought, building relationships, love, time, money, and privilege all do facilitate good works and greater “human security” (Paul Farmer, Haiti After the Earthquake) in Haiti.

The Trinity United Methodist team that just returned from Mizak, Haiti, learned this humbling lesson: While money can encourage some situations to come to more acceptable solutions, hard work does pay off, and effective, timely intervention can curtail negative situations, life is hard. In reality, we are imperfect beings who have no real control over the events that unravel before us. We can’t understand the way that God works.

Our last day of clinic, Wednesday, July 29, started like any other day. Laurie was working with Christopher, and they were doing patient intake and eyeglasses “triage” (Laurie has an important and sometimes thankless job). Abbey was out sick, and so patients started out with Emmanuel (our translator) and Kelsie. They would come to Steve and me next, where we worked with premade glasses and the focometer, finding an approximate reading for their prescription glasses. Patients then went to Mike, Donna, and Genelle for their prescription glasses, or Dave and Rhonda for readers, sunglasses, and drops. I’d been very proud of our team this year; we are a well-oiled machine. We even managed to work around the medical clinic that the Haitian nurse, Yolande, was running that day.

I had left a patient with Steve and was probably running to Chef Brenda (what they call Rhonda in Haiti) with a question, when I encountered Laurie, who was crying. I asked what was wrong, and she said, “The baby, it’s just so small, I can’t take it,” or something to that effect. I went inside of the clinic, where I saw Dave holding the smallest child I have ever seen. He was swaddled in a green blanket. Dave was praying for the baby, named Carl Edwards, and we all joined in the effort. I didn’t know what was wrong with the baby, but I knew something was incredibly wrong. We finished praying, and I went back outside to work.

Throughout the rest of the afternoon, I learned Carl Edwards’ story: He was 29 days old, from Mizak, and horribly malnourished. He was three pounds. The mother had not been feeding him. Was it from lack of food or neglect? We don’t know. What we do know is that a neighbor had to bring Carl Edwards into the clinic, and the mother had to be retrieved from her home. Rhonda later told me that she knew Carl Edwards was beyond just eating some more or finding a wet nurse. He needed intravenous fluids, and he needed them fast. She directed Genelle to give Carl Edwards back to Yolande because she was terrified that Carl Edwards was going to die in her loving arms. Abbey thought he was dead. Carl Edward’s arms were ashen, he wasn’t moving, and his face had an ominous deflated look.

I learned that we had given a nurse and the mother $150 USD to take a moto down to Jacmel to get to a hospital. They left, hopeful that the hospital would be able to offer this child the hope of survival. We finished up clinic, seeing 170-something patients that day. We loaded up our suitcases, cleaned up the clinic, and headed back through the beautiful farmland to Paul’s house. We had finished our clinic, we had done God’s work, and we did darn good.

They told me shortly after we got back to Paul’s house that Carl Edwards died. We don’t know if he even made it off the mountain.

Fury and frustration built up inside of me. Every day, in countries like Haiti, children are dying from preventable diseases and easily treatable maladies, such as hunger. A child born in the US might weigh only three pounds, but he gets rushed into the NICU and the chances of survival are much higher. A parent may be neglectful in the US, but we have Child Protective Services to step in and take that parent to jail. A family may be hungry, but they can go to any food bank or get an EBT card to eat. We have the infrastructure necessary to prevent death and pain.

We had given $150 USD to make this broken child whole. We support the Medika Mamba program, specifically designed to prevent child hunger. We have built homes to provide shelter, micro-financing to provide the opportunity for small business growth, eyeglasses to provide sight, food to provide nourishment, birthing kits to provide infection-free births, mosquito nets to provide protection from malaria, health kits to provide sanitation, school bags to provide greater access to education, and the list goes on and on. The prayer that Dave offered over Carl Edwards should have prevented his death. The disciplined thought that Mountains to Mountains engages in so that we can best serve God and our friends in Haiti should have predicted, and thus prevented, this. We have worked for years to build relationships with Haitians, and it is in our mission to break bread, eat, pray, love, and discuss alongside and with the Haitians (in contrast to to the Haitians). We have leveraged our privilege as white Americans to rally support, supplies, and, most significantly, money for Mizak.

So why did Carl Edwards die? We contemplated this and prayed to God for answers for over 24 hours. The answer came in the age-old paradox: We can never know God’s plans. Our human egos attempt to logically surround an infinite God with a cardboard box, when in reality, we can’t even begin to fathom was God has in store. C.S. Lewis, in The Great Divorce, conceived of a heaven where visiting humans were in such intense pain because Earth and our human minds are just a dull shadow of what God’s reality is. How am I being a vessel of God’s good will on Earth, a personal goal of mine, when I am consistently asking God to tell me what he’s doing! There is no trust in God when I am demanding that he explain to me why Carl Edwards died.

It’s so easy to get discouraged. So what do we do? Do we throw up our hands in frustration, pull out of our efforts in Haiti, and get angry because a child died? Or do we delve further into the work, continue with our prayer, disciplined thought, relationship building, proliferation of love, and distribution of wealth so that we can offer the timely solution that can prevent the death of the next Carl Edwards? Do we keep bugging God with answers and reasons why bad things happen to innocent children? Or do we continue practicing trust and faith in God and the love of Jesus Christ in our everyday lives, respecting the glory of God’s infinite wisdom?

I don’t know. The answer is pretty clear-cut to me.

God is Good!

kaitlin06 — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:09:13 +0000

The past year has been a roller coaster of emotions. Frustrations, heartbreaking reality, and headaches at the beginning of the year evolved into joys, excitement, and falling in love with my students. I fell in love with teaching English this year, and I fell in love with teaching at Wooddale High School. At the end of the year, I spent a long time reflecting upon what I had done right and what I had done wrong, creating a multiple-page vision of my classroom and an awesome long-term plan, specific to teaching tenth grade English at Wooddale High School. I had taken my students into account and had formulated procedures, rules, and plans that would best fit those particular students.

I finished up my vision/plans right before I went to the beach. I still had to create an end of year assessment, but that was OK. I went into the beach excited, and trying to think about what novels I was going to teach. I have also been working on my spirituality, and so I have been doing a lot of praying and meditating. On Monday night, I was sitting out on the dock next to the canal at Holden Beach and was just staring up into the sky, praying. I asked God to teach me how to trust Him, to teach me how to do His will, not mine.

On Tuesday, I came in from the beach at lunch, and I had a voicemail from Teach for America. I had been laid off from Memphis City Schools. (Check out the link for more information about why I was laid off; it really makes me angry to think about the processes that involve layoffs, seniority, and allocation of money at the systemic level, but that’s really tangential to the point of this post.) At first, I cried. Then, I started throwing things. I was finna QUIT, damn it. Then, I started walking it off, calmed down, and realized that if I had to teach math (yuck), I would. There was talk of me teaching Spanish; it won’t be on my license starting on September 1, so that plan wouldn’t work.

On Thursday, I got a message from TFA, stating that Freedom Prep had an opening. I immediately sent my resume and cover letter to them, and ended up securing an interview for Monday (yesterday).

Now, I had interviewed at Freedom Prep last year, when I first got to Teach for America. I didn’t get the job, and I was a little hurt/resentful/mad. Now, I had gotten over it, but I was hurt for a while. I didn’t think that I would get the job because I didn’t feel like I was good enough for them. This place is my dream job, and I just didn’t think I was good enough to teach there.

Long story short, I got the job at Freedom Prep. I asked God to teach me how to trust him. He rocked my world for a couple days, but then I secured my dream job at my dream school.

My faith in God is, like, 100% stronger now.

God is good!
All the time!

Miracles

kaitlin06 — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 18:08:26 +0000

My students are the light of my life. I love each and every one of them, and they are showing me each day how stereotypes that I and every other person in the country have made about inner city kids is completely wrong. I have two stories that I want to share, about how some students are really rising to the occasion and proving the achievement gap and everyone else wrong.

DP and DW are known members of a gang, the Vice Lords. They miss a lot of school and each of them have gotten themselves a lot of suspensions for various things. DW got in a huge fight in my classroom this fall, and it scared the bajesus out of me. I’m not going to like, I thought that DP and DW were a little bit of lost causes. I thought I had tried everything, but that’s not true. I told all of my students that had failed last nine weeks, including DP and DW, that if they came to tutoring after school and made up the work that they had missed last nine weeks, that I would change their grade accordingly. And God bless them, DP and DW have been coming in, every tutoring day, until 5, 5:30, to make up their work. They do care. They aren’t lost causes, and they are proving that even inner city gang members CARE about their education and WANT to do well. I love it.

Another one of my students, MB, isn’t in a gang, but he does have a little behavioral problem. MB reads on a first grade reading level, and until this nine weeks, hasn’t shown much effort in his work. However, his mom recently told him that if he got his grades up, he could get a job. The boy has an 84 in my class, and the effort he has been showing recently is OUTSTANDING. He had finished his work early yesterday, and so I let him get on the computer. Usually when he finishes his work, he gets on YouTube and listens to rap music. However, I was circulating as the other kids were finishing their quiz when I looked over. MB was on the Reading Plus (a remedial reading program that my school does), doing a lesson. NO ONE HAD TOLD HIM TO DO IT. I went over and asked him if Dr. Terre, the Reading Plus teacher, had asked him to do that. And he said no, he just wanted to get better at reading. He got 70% comprehension on the program, and I heard him reading outloud to himself.

These three students are why I do what I do. I can’t believe that I almost gave up on them. Thank God I didn’t, because they are proving me and everyone else wrong.

Beatty’s Chocolate Cake

kaitlin06 — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 12:43:13 +0000

Beatty’s Chocolate Cake

Recipe Courtesy of Barefoot Contessa at Home and the Food Network

What You’ll Need:

Butter, for greasing the pans
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for pans
2 cups sugar
3/4 cups good cocoa powder
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 cup buttermilk, shaken
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 extra-large eggs, at room temperature
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 cup freshly brewed hot coffee

Directions:

1.) Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter 2 (8-inch) round cake pans. Line with parchment paper, then butter and flour the pans.

2.) Sift the flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder, and salt into the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment and mix on low speed until combined.

3.) In another bowl, combine the buttermilk, oil, eggs, and vanilla. With the mixer on low speed, slowly add the wet ingredients to the dry. With mixer still on low, add the coffee and stir just to combine, scraping the bottom of the bowl with a rubber spatula.

4.) Pour the batter into the prepared pans and bake for 35 to 40 minutes, until a cake tester comes out clean. Cool in the pans for 30 minutes, then turn them out onto a cooling rack and cool completely.

5.) Place 1 layer, flat side up, on a flat plate or cake pedestal. With a knife or offset spatula, spread the top with frosting. Place the second layer on top, rounded side up, and spread the frosting evenly on the top and sides of the cake.

Strawberry Cupcakes

kaitlin06 — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 12:38:12 +0000

Don’t worry–I’m not starting a baking blog. I steal too many recipes for that. I just made the most amazing strawberry cupcakes and strawberry icing, so I just thought I’d share:

Strawberry Cupcakes

This recipe for delicious strawberry cupcakes is from Candace Nelson of Sprinkles Cupcakes.

The Martha Stewart Show, February Winter 2008

Yield Makes 1 dozen

Ingredients

2/3 cup whole fresh or frozen strawberries, thawed
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, sifted
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon coarse salt
1/4 cup whole milk, room temperature
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup sugar
1 large egg, room temperature
2 large egg whites, room temperature
Sprinkles’ Strawberry Frosting

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a 12-cup muffin tin with cupcake liners; set aside.
Place strawberries in a small food processor; process until pureed. You should have about 1/3 cup of puree, add a few more strawberries if necessary or save any extra puree for frosting; set aside.
In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt; set aside. In a small bowl, mix together milk, vanilla, and strawberry puree; set aside.
In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream butter on medium-high speed, until light and fluffy. Gradually add sugar and continue to beat until well combined and fluffy. Reduce the mixer speed to medium and slowly add egg and egg whites until just blended.
With the mixer on low, slowly add half the flour mixture; mix until just blended. Add the milk mixture; mix until just blended. Slowly add remaining flour mixture, scraping down sides of the bowl with a spatula, as necessary, until just blended.
Divide batter evenly among prepared muffin cups. Transfer muffin tin to oven and bake until tops are just dry to the touch, 22 to 25 minutes. Transfer muffin tin to a wire rack and let cupcakes cool completely in tin before icing.

This frosting recipe is the perfect topper for Candace Nelson’s Strawberry Cupcakes.

Yield Makes enough for 1 dozen cupcakes

Strawberry Frosting

Ingredients

1/2 cup whole frozen strawberries, thawed
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, firm and slightly cold
Pinch of coarse salt
3 1/2 cups confectioners’ sugar, sifted
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Directions

Place strawberries in the bowl of a small food processor; process until pureed. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat together butter and salt on medium speed until light and fluffy. Reduce mixer speed and slowly add confectioners’ sugar; beat until well combined. Add vanilla and 3 tablespoons strawberry puree (save any remaining strawberry puree for another use); mix until just blended. Do not overmix or frosting will incorporate too much air. Frosting consistency should be dense and creamy, like ice cream.

Chessie

kaitlin06 — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 14:54:04 +0000

Chessie, my very first kitty, was rescued from a hollow tree by Rhonda Stout when I was in either second or third grade. She was my birthday present from my very best friend, Anna. Chessie was my wild kitty. She didn’t like to be held or petted, and she would often hide under beds waiting for the random feet to pass so she could attack. Although she was a small mama, she could attack anything. She would leave lots of little gifts for us…little mice or birds waiting for us on the front stoop when we came home.

Over the past few years, Chessie has mellowed out. She started to jump on our laps, cuddling on her terms. I would catch her purring, and we were all really enjoying her in her old age. However, she stopped eating recently. She gradually stopped eating. My dad grilled steaks for her. She ate those at first, but then she wouldn’t eat anything. I saw her at Christmas, and I thought she was skinny, but it wasn’t too bad. I got home on Saturday and damn. She is nothing. You can see her ribs through her skin, and I feel really terrible touching her..I’m pretty sure that I’m going to hurt her. I’ve seen her eat maybe one or two bites of food in 5 days. She came into the house this morning, and she couldn’t even walk straight.

She’s at the vet this morning, and my dad is going to see what the vet says. If there is nothing that the vet can do, then my dad is going to put her down. I don’t know what’s going to happen to Chessie, but I love her anyway.

It’s the little things.

kaitlin06 — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 01:09:38 +0000

PS, a student with whom I have a very temperamental relationship and have complained about numerous times, stayed after school with me. Until 5 pm. Doing make-up work. I know that I didn’t do this, but I am just so proud of her.

My Week in Review

kaitlin06 — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 13:28:10 +0000

Sunday night. On Sunday night, rumors were whirling that there was going to be a blizzard. A blizzard of a whole 4-8 inches of snow. Obviously, Memphis did not survive the Snowmaggedon of Washington, DC last year. However, I was a little bit excited. We all kept watching with anticipation. Then, almost as though the snow decided that it was going to start the MOMENT the weathermen announced it, the first flurries fell (like my use of alliteration there?!). Within an hour, the streets were covered, and I felt hope. I called my dad so that he could funnel his superintendent-school-canceling-powers to Kriner Cash, the MCS Superintendent. Apparently, it worked. Around 8 pm, they announced that Memphis City Schools would be closed. Now, I used to get all sorts of excited when we wouldn’t have school back in the day. It was nice that I wouldn’t have to go to school, but I would always have something else to do. Ms. Adkins would schedule a show choir rehearsal, or I would have indoor soccer practice, or I just hadn’t finished Mr. Smead’s essay yet. A snow day as a teacher, though…Well, that’s just addictive. I jumped up and down, nearly high with excitement. I ran over to Michelle’s, told her the good news, and jumped up and down some more. I drove (yes, drove. Just because Kriner Cash thought people shouldn’t drive didn’t mean he was right…I’ve driven in much worse) down to the Mapco station and bought Half Baked Ben and Jerry’s and Oreos. I rejoiced. I read Twilight until about 1am and then fell asleep.

Monday. Snow Day. Beautiful Day. Although my apartment feels like a refrigerator due to its ridiculously drafty windows and old cracks and crevices, I had a marvelous day. I did some independent reading, and I got ahead on my lesson plans. There was a chance of more snow, very cold temperatures, and the word every teacher throughout western Tennessee wanted to hear–ICE. I prepared for Tuesday, although fully thinking that we wouldn’t have school again. I mean, they canceled Monday over a dusting, why wouldn’t they cancel Tuesday? They canceled Shelby County Schools. DeSoto County. Every county around us. It was inevitable. The Channel 5 website said MCS wouldn’t make a decision until 4 am Tuesday. So, I set my alarm clock for 4 am and went to bed.

Tuesday. 4 am. Memphis City Schools is open on Tuesday. I moaned, updated my Facebook status (“Darn it all.”), and rolled back over. I overslept, and I woke up at 6:20. Considering it takes me at least 20 minutes to get ready in the morning, and another 20 minutes to drive to school, it was going to be a rush to get to school by 7:15. But I got there. The absences were horrible. Our absentee list was 3 pages, front and back. I am sure that the students (and, probably their parents) felt as though it should have been a snow day. Although I am a strict rule follower, I fully agreed with them. So, I proceeded with my lesson, knowing that I was probably going to have to reteach the students. I am shuddering to imagine their quiz scores this week.

Wednesday. More students arrived. I was teaching “The Rose that Grows from the Concrete.” I wrote up 7 students. I HATE writing up students, and I don’t feel as though it helps. However, MB called AB a “faggot,” and AB got so in a tizzy, that I just had to kick him out of class. I don’t blame AB for getting upset, but his reaction was to just start screaming and cursing at everyone. He just needed to leave the classroom to calm down. However, on his way out, he yelled at MB: “I’ll see you after school!” Meaning, we are going to fight after school. So, MB just decided to follow him out of the classroom. MB felt that he should just fight right then and there. 3 of my other students, DP, JH, and JS, ran after MB “to break up the fight.” In translation, they wanted to see it go down. Thankfully, one of our security guards and our assistant principal were outside, and so there was no fight. However, I wrote up all 5 of them, mostly because the head of security told me to, but also because you can’t just leave my classroom any time that you want. 5th period came around, and the infamous PS decided that she was going to walk out of the classroom because I wouldn’t let her pee. So, I wrote her up. Again, you can’t just walk out of the classroom. This isn’t college. Then, VH never came back from lunch. Wrote him up for class cutting. It was a rough day, and I’m sure my assistant principal thinks I’m crazy for writing so many referrals.

Thursday. Much better day. Calmer. My students got “Hope is the Thing with Feathers.” At least, most of them did.

Today. Can I just get through today? Then, I can have a 3-day weekend.

The Great 2011

kaitlin06 — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 15:18:55 +0000

I have convinced myself that 2011 will be my year.
I am healthy.
I am strong.
I am happy.
I am getting a little bit more fulfilled.

I know that I start each year out with a whole lot of optimism, and then eventually I get a little more down, until I am just like the previous year. I feel much differently now, though. I’m not sure what it is. Is it that I have decided to just give my life over to God? Is it that I have accepted who I am, and that I want to build upon that girl? Is it because I am beginning to branch out in Memphis? I suppose I can pinpoint the reason I feel strong and beautiful right now, but it is still fascinating.

Somehow, this week at school has been quite wonderful. Monday, we introduced our new Big Goal. We will get a class average of 6 on an End of Year Exam, based on the AP Literature Exam. It is insane. They freaked out. I am freaking out. I suppose. Mostly, though, I feel peace with it. If they don’t reach the goal, at least I had really high expectations of them. i don’t expect these kids to be able to pass an AP test yet, but perhaps one day. They just have to learn what other college-bound high schoolers are doing in life.

Tuesday, we started our poetry unit. I introduced poetry by showing some slam poetry, some Saul Williams, some KRS-One, and even some Taylor Mali. We also talked about Tupac, Emily Dickinson, Walt Whitman, etc. We discussed sonnets, lyric poetry, ballads, epics, and dramatic poetry. We watched a short clip of Ethan Hawke’s version of the “To be or not to be” soliloquy. They seemed into it, excited even.

Wednesday was fun. We did some coding of poetry–ABAAB, etc. They got approximate rhyme, they got internal rhyme, they got free verse. It was great.

Yesterday, Thursday, we started on “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost. While 3 of my classes really understood what was going on, and they understood the symbolism and metaphor there, my 5th period was unable to get it. I honestly don’t understand where they missed such important lessons as looking further into a text, or not taking things so literally. I wonder if they understand sarcasm or double meanings or even tact. I am really going to have to take steps to ensure that they can analyze that text.

Today, we are took their quiz, and we are watching a movie.

Life is good.
It truly, truly is.